The violent memories we hold onto

The descriptions of the Vietnam War from a homeless man sitting on a park bench will give you nightmares, yet what he described is what he saw in the thick of it at age 21.

“I had to kill women and children because the North Vietnamese women were armed fighters and their babies were strapped to their front…” As he talked you could see that pictures as vivid as yesterday were running through his mind.

“They skinned men alive if they caught em’ – can you imagine what that would feel like,” he asked while talking about the pain that was endured by U.S. Troops. As he continued I could imagine the torture and how so many lost their lives while in Vietnam. He went on to describe more of what he saw, “Sometimes, they’d nail em’ to an upside down cross in the woods for other troops to find, alive.”

No one encouraged him to speak of the horrific things he saw or to stir those memories, he wanted to get it out of his mouth and probably his head. Sometimes, it is important to allow those with tragedy in their past to let it out. Sometimes, it is important to remain silent and to remember your words may mean little if anything.

In Vietnam: 

Communist Hồ Chí Minh was once quoted as saying, “You will kill ten of us, we will kill one of you, but in the end, you will tire of it first.”

Hồ Chí Minh was not always his name. He was born as Nguyễn Sinh Cung, but later decided to go with a name that had meaning, Hồ Chí Minh, which means "He Who has been enlightened," became his title in 1941.

He was a Vietnamese Communist revolutionary leader and later the President (1945–69) of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam (North Vietnam). He also helped to form the Viet Cong during the Vietnam War.

One execution for every one hundred and sixty residents was the way Hồ Chí Minh moved to reform North Vietnam in the 1950’s. He called it land reform and rent reduction. However, it was the simple slaughter of innocent people. This… this is who U.S. Troops were up against in the Vietnam War.

Vietnam Veteran Served in the US Navy

Today I met Vietnam Veteran Ralph J. Gervasio, Jr. He was drafted into the military many years ago and talked to me about the carnage he witnessed when his ship was hit with friendly fire while simultaneously being attacked by Vietnamese gunfire. Gervasio served in the U.S. Navy.

The carnage witnessed by Gervasio was grim as he tried to resuscitate a shipmate whom had already died. He talked about how some personnel on the ship were missing limbs, fingers and more.

The following day he was asked to retrieve something out of the ships freezer… next to the food was the body of the man he tried to save the day prior.

When he was released from the military in the early 1970’s, he had to wear his civilian clothes on the flight home. The military command he was with actually told him to do so because too many reports of returning war time veterans being spit on or attacked prompted the civilian clothes order.

He never admitted to serving in Vietnam until the 1980’s out of fear of not being hired or being fired from his civilian job because he was a U.S. Veteran. Times were much different in the 70’s and 80’s for those who served out country.

Gervasio told me that you never get over things seen in Vietnam.

Despite the hard times, he now volunteers to help younger veterans returning from war zones.

Hear the entire interview by Scott Walker (19 Min):

Looking Back to Vietnam and Medical Help Today

He had that Clint Eastwood look in his eyes that told me he was kind, but didn’t take anything from anyone.  His skin was weathered as if he had spent a great deal of his life working outside He had the appearance of knowing real work and he could still tackle that real work today.

68 Year old Russell Ashton served our country in the Vietnam War, he was in the US Army. When he returned, like many Vietnam Veterans, he went straight to work.

Ashton still has many memories and thoughts about what he saw during a wartime, things that can’t be unseen.

You can hear the 9 minute interview I did with him below…

"I think about it all the time, no one has ever looked through my eyes and no one has ever worn my boots." - Russell Ashton, U.S. Army

Memorial Day

Memorial Day, a time to remember our fallen veterans.

Photo of headstone for US Army Vietnam Veteran James Albert Thornburg of Tennessee.  He served under the 1st Infantry Division, Battalion 8 in the 6/15th Artillery Company, Deadly Alpha from April of 1967 until April of 1968.

Thornburg received the National Defense Medal, Vietnam Service Medal, Vietnam Campaign Medal, Bronze Star with V Device and Two Oak Leaf Clusters, Army Commendation Medal, Good Conduct Medal, Unit Citation, and the Presidential Citation.

He died at age 56 in year 2002. 

Served in Vietnam

Homeless in Nashville: He told me, “I was in Vietnam… I’m use to the jungle, that’s why I live here.” He said, "I joined the military when I was 17, my parents had to sign off on it." 

“Our purpose in Vietnam is to prevent the success of aggression. It is not conquest, it is not empire, it is not foreign bases, it is not domination. It is, simply put, just to prevent the forceful conquest of South Vietnam by North Vietnam.” - Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973), 36th president of the United States

From the Vietnam War to America

He escaped Vietnam as the war came to a close in 1975 with the help of a CBS News Chief Correspondent named Brian Ellis. 58 year old Liu Khai Trac remembers the exact date he left, even though he was only 17 at the time. Lou, as he is called by friends told me, “I think it was March 27th that I left Vietnam as a refugee.”

During the war, Lou remembers being scared. He said to me on Wednesday, “At one time I recall that the bomb shell was so heavy we had to hide under a bunk bed.” He then talked about seeing a U.S. tank heading down one of the roads in front of his house, “I saw a military tank supplied by the US – they was running on the street – now tanks don’t usually run in the city, but that’s how severe inside the city – and then bomb shell I heard.”

I asked, “Did you like the U.S. Troops?” He smiled and laughed… “As for the American Troops, I thought they were good – They good guy – and especially - they give us a little pack of cigarettes to smoke, a dollar for a soda – they was friendly to us and we was friendly to them.”

Today, Lou is homeless in Murfreesboro, TN.

Lost her husband upon his return from Vietnam

She is one of nearly 11,400 residents in Yazoo, Mississippi, between the Yazoo River and the Mississippi River.

She has been a widow since her husband died shortly after his return from Vietnam. However, she was quick to tell me that he took very good care of her.

When asked if she would like to move, the answer was, “If I could move to D.C. where my kids are.” Like many children in the Delta region, once they are old enough to move on, they quickly do in search of better jobs as employment is scarce in the Delta. She told me that if she had the money, she would make the move to Washington D.C., but she doesn’t, so she will stay put. 

The 30 Mile Lawn Tractor Ride

Don served his country in Vietnam and in my book, he’s a hero. I couldn’t let this hero drive his new lawn tractor 30-miles alone.

On the way home from work Thursday, I saw Don driving his recently purchased lawnmower down the highway. Knowing he lives another county down (30-minutes away by car), I stopped to offer Don and his new mower a ride.

Don was armed with a can of beef stew and a cup of cold brewski when he helped me load the mower into the back of my truck. We then headed to Bedford County, TN.

Prior to picking Don and his MTD Yard Machine up on Highway 231 South, he told me that he had already been riding it for the last 2-hours, after a brief stop at his favorite bar. His goal was to ride it all the way back to his camper, in the Shelbyville area.

On the trek to Bedford County, he told me about working at MTD Yard Machines in the late 1970’s. Don said, “I worked on the line in Ohio and one day the painter failed to show up… They asked me to move to the paint line and the next thing I know, I was over painting.”

The MTD company began in 1932 and is actually family-owned company. 

Vietnam at age 17

“I lost my older brother in Vietnam,” he told me while looking away to think. “When we joined the Army he was 19 and I went in at only 17 years old,” he then paused… “I did two tours.”

Mark Thiebold, who calls a tent his home in Nashville, TN, served our country in the 82nd Airborne Division of the United States Army while in Vietnam. Total, he served in the Army for 12 years both in America and abroad.

Thiebold went into Vietnam in 1971. At the time, the United States Government was sending troops from the 82nd Division into both South Korea and Vietnam (1969 and into the mid 1970’s). The 82nd also worked side by side the 101st in some operations. He told me, “My job was to blow up bridges and build bridges, we killed innocent people.” 

Vietnam Veteran lost both legs, but helps others daily

He had five brothers and as he described himself, he was the only rebel in the family. He later became a Combat Engineer in the U.S. Marines. Tim Lee later found himself in the heat of South Vietnam.

Lee was raised in a Christian family and thought his life was in order, but he said he went to Vietnam out of the reach of God. 45-Minutes into walking a mind field on what is called a mind sweep in Vietnam he was blown about several feet into the air losing both legs. Another Marine told him that it looked as if someone dumped a 5 gallon bucket of red paint on him while discussing his injuries. In fact, it was thought he was dead.

Lee writes, “There was much confusion. One man, Corporal Lee Gore, knelt down and picked me up in his arms and braced my back on his knees. He began to pray out loud. I was shaking terribly and literally covered in my own blood. The smoke and dust from the blast was still thick in the air. Men began to shed their t-shirts to help soak the blood flowing profusely from my wounds. Some gave their personal bandages. The Corpsman began working feverishly applying tourniquets to my upper thighs to stop the blood flow. In a weak, barely audible voice I prayed, “Oh no! … God, not my legs … Lord … please … God get me home to Mom and Dad …I’ll do whatever you want me to do.” Then, total blackness. I went out. Yellow smoke from the marking grenades to help guide the in-coming choppers billowed upward. I remember hearing the faint sounds of the whirling blades as they raised ten tons of steel into the air. Myself and a South Korean Marine, who had lost a foot in a separate explosion, left a violent world below. We were flown to the hospital ship USS Sanctuary in the South China Sea. From there I was taken to Guam.”

Lee stated, “God spared my life.” Someone once told Lee, “You never lived until you almost died.” From the day Lee left the hospital in the early 1970’s, he still holds onto that saying.

In high school, Lee ran track and he was also on the football team. His new life would include wheels and no running. However, he decided while hospitalized that despite his ability to ever make another touchdown, he was going to lead a positive life. Lee said that he got back on track with God and eventually became a pastor in 1973.

Heroin in a U.S. Veteran

He grasped my shoulder as he made his way down his front steps. He is usually in a wheelchair, but he wanted to walk outside on his own two feet. “I was once shot five times,” he told me as he pulled up his shirt to show me the scars.

We continued to talk and he continued to share stories about his past. “I was a heroin addict, but have been clean for a long time,” he said while rolling up his sleeves, “I have HIV from shooting up in the past.” 

He said that he was once ashamed of the fact that he has HIV, but now he does not mind sharing what was once painful because now it is simply a part of life that he has lived with since 1994.

I later realized that he served our country in combat while in the U.S. Army. I was standing before an aging Vietnam Veteran who shares a small apartment with several others. He came home from the foreign land with images that were likely unshakable which may have contributed to his past battle on U.S. soil with alcohol and Heroin. But, that battle is mostly behind him. Today, he battles balance, sight and age.

Pax Prentiss who opened Passages, a rehab center in Malibu, once wrote in the The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure, “Heroin was a coping mechanism that I had used to deal with my underlying fears. They were the real problems; heroin wasn't the culprit, my fears were.”

Help is around the corner

His face was blistered and peeling, likely from being in the sun daily. His hair was thin and white as snow with a few spots of dark silver. His tired eyes looked as if they have seen a lifetime of trouble, sorrow and pain.

His name is Brian and he is a Vietnam Veteran who is currently homeless on the streets of Nashville. His ongoing problem continues to be alcohol, but it looks as if he may have help.

Thanks to a short talk, he is eager to get sober and change his life. That sobriety started Monday afternoon in a hospital. 

My Vietnam Ring

As I walked into his apartment that he shares with several others I noticed it was cluttered with clothing, food boxes and more. He smiled as I walked in. His hands appeared to be sore with arthritis, his body failing on him quicker than his mind. "I have a caretaker who watches after me," he was quick to say adding, "She is wonderful."

He held up his hands, “Take a picture of my rings,” he told me. As I slowly pushed the shutter closed he told me that one is for his tour in Vietnam and the second is his U.S. Army ring. “I love these,” he said with a grin.

Those very same hands and fingers likely grasped the American M16 Rifle, a gun that was prone to jamming on our troops. I wonder how many times he had to clear it in the midst of enemy fire? I did not want to ask those questions, but my imagination ran wild with thoughts of what those hands have been through. The sounds of bullet fire as he crawled on the ground or through rice fields.

He survived.

U.S. Army General William Westmoreland commanded U.S. forces during the Vietnam War. He once stated, “I do not believe that the men who served in uniform in Vietnam have been given the credit they deserve. It was a difficult war against an unorthodox enemy.”

The rings that some Vietnam Veterans wear were not given to them by the military, but instead purchased by the Veterans who posses them. Many wear them as a reminder of the life they have today, verses the life they survived so many years ago. Others wear the rings to remind them of the friends they lost or the friends that saved their life only to be delivered back to the United States in a flag draped coffin. Sadly, the government did little to thank so many who went through so much and continue to have their own battles today.

Vietnam, 17-Years in the U.S. Army, now on the streets

This is Dan, he is a Vietnam Veteran. He recently received a new haircut by Brittney Pelham and a beard trimming on the streets of Nashville.

Dan served our country in the U.S. Army for 17-years, which included his time in Vietnam.

Today he lives under a bridge, which is on private property owned by a commercial business. Metro Police arrested him for trespassing for being there when he had no where else to go. He has since moved on leaving his mattress behind.

I am not making a point, just relaying what occurred in recent days. I simply repeat what I am told and see. Thanks to our friends at Liquidation Outlet, he now has a tent to keep out of the elements. He was excited to receive it, almost as excited as those who get a new house.

He served in Vietnam, during the close of the situation that never fully closed

“I’m from California, I’m a jar head, a Marine” He told me with enthusiasm. “I was sent to Vietnam to help with the clean up as our troops were taken out in about 1975,” he said, “They are always trying to kill us, it was never really over.” He told me that he served in the Marine Corps for 48-months with his service starting at age 17, mostly in Saigon.

I asked him what he was doing in Louisville, Kentucky and he said, “Family brought me here, my parents had heart attacks over the past six years and both eventually died. Then my brother died of cancer, but I stayed.” He then talked about how he was on the list to get approved for housing, as he was currently living in a tent. Of course, he has been on that list for the past three years.

“So what kind of hang-ups do you have,” I asked him? “I don’t drink alcohol or do drugs, but I smoke [holding a cigarette in his hand] – I can’t quit it.” I noticed a large bandage wrapped around his right leg just above his ankle. “What happened,” I asked pointing at his leg? He then told me that he took a wrong step and fell down a hill. After he was transported to the hospital, doctors placed a metal rod into his leg, but it was healing.

“Honor to the soldier and sailor everywhere, who bravely bears his country's cause. Honor, also, to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field and serves, as he best can, the same cause.” ― Abraham Lincoln

Vietnam and back by 19.5 years old

Vietnam lasted until 1975, this man was only 18 when he was sent in to help as troops were starting to pack up and leave in 1974. He had just joined the military and spent several months in Vietnam and was then back to America. He told me that it was in Vietnam during his time in the service that he started drinking heavily and using drugs. "Everyone did it," he told me. "I did it too to cope with what I was seeing and to feel better," he told me. 

After spending time overseas, he eventually found his way to Nashville. He said, "Look around, I got caught up in this lifestyle and couldn't stop - My health is poor today, but I feel better every single day now that I have stopped." 

"I have been sober for a little over three and a half years now," He told me as he held a sign asking for help in the downtown lights of Nashville, TN.